Kooky Tales from Planet China

I am reading this fabulous book called "Lost on Planet China" that my British School of Houston gal pals gave me as a going away present.  I am so glad I waited to read it as it is hilarious once you know that he is speaking the truth.   China is a whole other planet, strange and mystifying but familiar in some ways.  Beijing can be just like Houston.  You might forget for a while where you are but then some kooky thing happens and reality rushes in.

Hocking Loogies, Shooting Snot, Urinating in Public - Beijing is the capital of the People's Republic of China.  Hello!?!  It is NOT civilized to purge an immense, glutinous loogie from somewhere deep within your innards or expel snot from first one nostril and then the other!  I hear the city has improved in this regard since there was a crackdown pre-Olympics to curtail the expulsion of the contents of noses and lungs.  There is nothing like seeing this lovely sweet Chinese grandmother, hocking the biggest loogie in the history of mankind, right before your shocked and appalled eyes.

    My Facebook friends will be familiar with this story but it's a doozie and worth sharing again.  I was at Shin Kong Place which is a Galleria type mall with high-end stores and a huge indoor playground.  I took Isla in the family bathroom and was helping her in one of the many open stalls.  As I exit the stall, I notice another mother standing in front of the sink, holding her toddler boy as he wizzes into the sink.  Isla points to the little boy's willie and asks what it is.  I'm too busy gaping in utter horror and amazement, waiting for the woman to turn around so she can see the perfectly clear disgust on my face.  Unfortunately, she never looked at me and she definitely didn't understand my words of revulsion. 

Walking, Biking, Driving - To do any of these is to take your life in your hands.  Pedestrians and cyclists have absolutely no rights and I have to constantly remind myself that I am not toodling along in Memorial Park.  I am very aware that China has the world's highest per capita rate of vehicular fatalities.  It is easy to see why. 

But you have to get around which is a perfect segue to post my favorite form of transportation at the moment.

How cute are we?  My coordination is being tested as the accelerator is on the handlebar while there is a foot brake.  Hands, feet...doing different things...not one of my strong suits which is why I don't do step aerobics.  I'm getting better though.

Feeling like an Animal in the Zoo - We are stared at by many and often times we are laughed at.  Don't know what we're doing that is so funny or interesting but I'm guessing it just are unusual faces.  The girls are adored (see Paparazzi post) but as a family we are looked at constantly.  There is NO blending in here.

Western Toilets are NOT for Reading/Texting - I was in another high end shopping center having dinner when Fiona had to use the restroom.  (Yes, this is my life...going from restroom to restroom.)  There were 6 stalls - 4 were the Chinese squat toilets (which are disgusting and difficult for young children to use) and 2 were western-style toilets.  We waited 5 minutes (or more) for the Western toilets to be vacated b/c the Chinese women were using them as seats to read and text.  They seemed to be on break from their jobs in the mall and once again, my words of annoyance and frustration fell on 'deaf' ears. 

I'm sure I'm missing some other kooky stories but this will be the first of many posts.  I can guarantee I'll be shocked and amazed again.  I feel I need to counter all these examples with some balance or no one will ever visit us.  The people are very kind (when they aren't driving) and when they are laughing at you, they do it in a sweet way. 

Can you believe we have been here a month already?  Plenty of time left to discover Planet China.